Couple of days ago Joe was over (the day I wrote the Abuse post, that morning he was here) and he threw my phone. Broke it because he saw someone in there that he said didn't need to be there. A friend. It was awful.

The other girl had been fucking with my head so badly. Said she got her pregnancy test but woudln't find out for near to a week the results. (BS alert to any of you mommies out there?) So today I ask her to call and she freaks out like WTF and starts calling me a psycho and trying to run back to joe and be all amazing to him and what eva! I was crying the whole day. Joe didn't help either. He never was very sympathetic. He called later apologizing that he didn't mean for this cunt to ruin my life as she had. And he didn't mean for any of this to happen yadadadadadayadyayda BLAH! Anyways, She said later in the evening she wasn't pregnant. BLAH torture for nothing. 

I have a meeting with the HAWC (Help Abused Women and Children) next wednesday at 930. I think I can recieve some real help there.

I have therepy on Tuesday at 2. It's will be my 3rd appt. Its not help yet but I think in the long run will. They are diagnosing me with Bi-Polar right now and will be better to make teh diagnosis after the baby is born. They wanna put me on meds. I think I'm going to let them. I think I need it. I only wish I could be on it now.

I have just felt so out of control recently. Like I'm being led up to die and can't control whats happening at all. I think this is bad. Bad indeed. Lack of control has always led me to cut, and to contorl not eating and things.

Of course I wont do any of that while I'm pregnant. And most likely at all cause I am a mother and need to set a good example but damn sometimes its hard to stay strong.

Betta side...Chloe is wonderful. She is so adroable and just the love of my life . 29 wks today.

Alright I'm off for now. Does anyone eva comment any  more lol Or post for that matter!