March 20, 2010

• Today

  Today I am not feeling very well at all. Perhaps it is the medicine ... I'm not sure. It's more physical than emotional but it is evident that I am not on the correct dosage for the emotional stuff. I want to be numb, essentially. That would be nice. Instead of experiencing emotions so drastically, it is better if I don't feel them at all. I just hope my sense of love doesnt fade with the higher dosages. I am excited to start the Adderal though. I hear it is going to help me alot with my concentration. I hope so. I seem to be so absent minded these days.

   

  He's back to telling me that he loves me. He has been here a lot. There are still a lot of lies and drama associated with him, and I told him that until those clear up there can't be anything completely serious. I am just trying to take things one day at a time.

   

  I need a job!

   

  Samantha,

  Because I know you are reading this ... there is one thing I would like to clarify... I have been faithful to my husband. There was ONE time last may after he slept with Angel that I slept with someone else. It was the same day that I filed divorce and had the papers served to him. It was very painful and I was trying to get over him. It didn't work and made me hurt worse. I am not looking to relive that pain. So, until he and I are officially divorced, if that is the route we decide to take, I am not sleeping around or having relationships with anyone else. What ever you have heard is incorrect.

  You will always have part of his heart but the part of his heart that you have is severely damaged. You two have a disgusting past together that even you have admitted to. You have  even written it down though you will never admit to that. He has moved on since you though he will always have love for you. Years have past and he has a family now. You need to respect that. You say that you don't want to get into the middle, fine, don't. Don't be the whsiper in his ear when he is having a bad day. Don't be that chick behind my back that is encouraging him in a different direction than his family. He has a family now, Samantha. You need to understand that and stop trying to get in the middle of us. Stop contacting him, as it just causes drama. You contact him, it bothers me, he gets angry, and it is a twisted cycle. If you would just go away, it would be okay and we coudl work on other things that need to be fixed. You say you dn't want to be in the middle, then don't be. Dissappear. Because when you are tag teaming me, on his side, that is being in the middle. That is being the other women weather or not it is physical it is absolutely emotional. And that is still adulturous. Please, just realize what you are doing. Go away. Stop harboring his lies and leave us alone. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He doens't want to be with you , so he is here, with me. Accept that, please. Move on. Be with Chris like you say you want to be.

   

   

  Peace, Please.

  • 7:26 PM
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