April 25, 2010
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Bleh
It’s just so hard and so confusing. I can’t seem to disconnect from him. I am trying so hard to be strong but I still want him to desire me. I can’t say no to him sexually. It sucks too cause I am so afraid that he is having sex with someone else, or many other people. I am afraid he is goign to give me an std. A lot of times I feel stupid. I know that I shouldn’t feel stupid though because I really am sick. I am twisted up in this vicious cycle of abuse. He’s good then hes bad then hes horrible then hes amazing.
I just need to keep going to my support groups and therepy and hope that I can gain the strength to withstand the temptation of him. I hope it gets easier.