Secrets...I just wish they could all be cleared up.

On the down side of the adderall feeling pretty blah. But awake.

All is still well. Joe and I are fantastic. I am quite thrilled with it. I hope it stays this way.

Girls are well also. I love them so much.

The adderall day two is kind of dizzying. I feel good but not as happy as I was yesterday. I think maybe yesterday was a natural high day and the adderall just enhanced it. Who knows.

Out tonight to do who knows what. Famaily night though. I am liking this.

OMG I AM IN SUCH A GREAT MOOD! I think the dr was right and the mixture of prozac and adderall is really working! I am just so damn happy and like productive and YES! I feel great I feel confident, I am lovin it!!! YAY

Bored...I think I am going to work on the girl's baby books. I like doing that.

Peace outtttt

I think I am miscarrying again. The pain of it is there. I hate mirena. It is not pregnancy preventor. I am going to have it taken out and then if I get pregnant well I get pregnant. Condoms are more productive at preventing pregnancy than Mirena. Mirena doesn't prevent pregnancy, it prevents implantation. Its an implanted abortion. I'm not a fan.

Joe and I are doing okay. I am not sure where things are going to go. There are still many lies he wont clear up. I tell him this all the time and he still wont tell me the truth. He has told me a few thigns that could ruin someones life if they were true or proven but that isn't anything about what he's been doing or who he's been doing. I am going to get STD tested. I know it's the right thing to do. I know I have had the hpv but was in remission for a while. We shall see.

School is okay. Still bragging about the 3.7 gpa. Work seach SUCKS! I am so damn poor it is ridiculous. I need work and can't keep living off welfare. *sigh*

How are all of you, it's been silent over on my page for quite a while...have I been forgotten?

Still living the Fairy Tale....

Today at 11:15...Hopeful.

Today I am not feeling very well at all. Perhaps it is the medicine ... I'm not sure. It's more physical than emotional but it is evident that I am not on the correct dosage for the emotional stuff. I want to be numb, essentially. That would be nice. Instead of experiencing emotions so drastically, it is better if I don't feel them at all. I just hope my sense of love doesnt fade with the higher dosages. I am excited to start the Adderal though. I hear it is going to help me alot with my concentration. I hope so. I seem to be so absent minded these days.

He's back to telling me that he loves me. He has been here a lot. There are still a lot of lies and drama associated with him, and I told him that until those clear up there can't be anything completely serious. I am just trying to take things one day at a time.

I need a job!

Samantha,

Because I know you are reading this ... there is one thing I would like to clarify... I have been faithful to my husband. There was ONE time last may after he slept with Angel that I slept with someone else. It was the same day that I filed divorce and had the papers served to him. It was very painful and I was trying to get over him. It didn't work and made me hurt worse. I am not looking to relive that pain. So, until he and I are officially divorced, if that is the route we decide to take, I am not sleeping around or having relationships with anyone else. What ever you have heard is incorrect.

You will always have part of his heart but the part of his heart that you have is severely damaged. You two have a disgusting past together that even you have admitted to. You have  even written it down though you will never admit to that. He has moved on since you though he will always have love for you. Years have past and he has a family now. You need to respect that. You say that you don't want to get into the middle, fine, don't. Don't be the whsiper in his ear when he is having a bad day. Don't be that chick behind my back that is encouraging him in a different direction than his family. He has a family now, Samantha. You need to understand that and stop trying to get in the middle of us. Stop contacting him, as it just causes drama. You contact him, it bothers me, he gets angry, and it is a twisted cycle. If you would just go away, it would be okay and we coudl work on other things that need to be fixed. You say you dn't want to be in the middle, then don't be. Dissappear. Because when you are tag teaming me, on his side, that is being in the middle. That is being the other women weather or not it is physical it is absolutely emotional. And that is still adulturous. Please, just realize what you are doing. Go away. Stop harboring his lies and leave us alone. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He doens't want to be with you , so he is here, with me. Accept that, please. Move on. Be with Chris like you say you want to be.

Peace, Please.

Because some C*nt douchebag is subscribed to my page she can still read my postings. She is some stupid stalker bitch who can't get her own man but has to move in on my man and then lie about it. Someday she will get hers and it will all be okay. Weather or not he and i end up together it is not your concern any more. I will tell you this you stupid douche bag, and if you happen to read farther back in my xanga posts you'll see that I do have an std. So welcome to the HPV club. I hope it causes you as much if not more problems than it caused me, and to tell you the truth it woudl only be HALF the pain you have caused me. Honestly, I hate you. I hate you for every ounce of pain you have helped him cause me behind my back. I hate you for how much you have called me a friend yet you were trying to move in on him and be his girl. You know what he got married, so take your stupid "fake adult trash talking jack ass self with your stupid nasaly deep manly voice and fuck someone elses man. He doesn't want your skank ass and if he does he's just using you, just like he uses everyone. He is my husband so what ever you do with him is adultry regardless of weather or not we are seperated. We are still legally married. I will tell you I will NEVER commit adultry and until the day the divorce papers are finalized, I am soley his. You are an adulture because you helped him commit the act. You harbored him when he was lying to me. You allowed him to trash talk me, when supposedly i was your best friend. You had someone else add me as a facebook friend because you wanted to spy on me. You know what bitch fuck off. Leave me alone and leave my husband alone. You claim he raped and beat you up. You claim he made you do things you never wanted to do. You claim he choked you and nearly killed you, and YET you still want to be with him. And I am not stupid those fucking status messages ARE about him. You will never have him. His heart lies elsewhere so just go to hell you stupid bitch.

DON'T Have a good day.

I would love to know the whole truth someday but it seems like no one will ever tell me. *sigh*